This is the first one, so it will be long or short.

I'm either going to go on and on and on, or keep it short. I bet on long, because I know me. I am making it my goal to keep them readable.
Lately things have been uphill. This leaves me spent, but feeling accomplished at the end of the day. I always have wishes. I wish I'd spent more time doing this or that, I wanted to (fill in a physical activity or chore I meant to do) but didn't. How come?
Seldom am I up past 11 p.m. anymore. I just can't stay awake, first off. Secondly, everyone else is sleeping and it seems like a good idea to follow suit. Mostly, because I know how tremendously important it is for me to keep myself on an even keel. Sleep helps me.
Things with Himself have been better lately. He recently went back to work after two months disability- for mental health. I wish there weren't such a stigma attached to that. If he had thrown his back out or blown his knee out or some other 'manly' thing it wouldn't be any big deal. Why do I have such a hard time dealing with this type of illness, and why doesn't anyone who hasn't been through it themself want to talk about it? It's better, nonetheless, with the exception of financially. We are in a tight spot without his full pay for the last two months, and now he will work reduced hours.
I've been taking good care of myself, and dealing with my own issues, trying hard to keep cool in this whirlwind of change, emotion and chaos. I've been doing ok. Somehow I've managed. Well, not somehow. I take life on life's terms and try to find strength wherever it may turn up.
Today we sat down and talked about how I feel I do most of the work of running the household, and how if we are both going to work part time, he has to pick up some more responsibility here. It's what I need. I can't make myself crazy trying to keep the house perfect, (or at least from being condemned by the city) and work, pay all the bills, maintain the automobiles, make most of the plans and manage everyone's time, etc, etc, ETC. I will get resentful, and that's when I get mean. I don't want that to happen. I don't know how he feels about what I've said because John goes away to process. He prefers it that way, and I'm learning not to press him for immediate answers. GROWTH. It's the key to being a better person. Not to change, but to grow. I'm going to re-post my last MySpace blog. And maybe a few others. :)