Opening wider isn't as easy as it sounds.

It's been a long time since I posted, and nearly as long since I journaled. I fell into that trap where I feel like all I do is work. I know it's a conscious choice, though, and not just a time crunch. I know that I have to choose the things I love over the things I don't love, and give my time back to myself. So this morning, even though it's looking down the barrel of a ticking clock, I am writing.
I've started taking a class at Unity focused on the book 'The Third Jesus' by Deepak Chopra. It's very interesting and is challenging the way I think about Jesus and religion in general. More to come there.
I think as I open in one area of my life I close just a bit in another. I think I am seeing now that the trick is to remain open in all areas, just a little if it's all we can manage, and then stay conscious in all those places (spending, judgement, forgiveness, discipline, tolerance, etc.) while you open just a bit wider in one area. Then when it's comfortable there, a bit more somewhere else. So I'm focusing on conscious driving and conscious working right now. They're both so hard. They're so automatic, so ingrained already. Wish me light.