Friday Night, I Love You

I’m sitting on my loveseat, listening to License To Ill and drinking a blend of spearmint and Morning Thunder teas. I’ve got my bible, my journal, my netbook, my blackberry, and the book I’m currently reading, ‘The Third Jesus’ by Deepak Chopra. Plus a pen, a hilighter and a lap quilt. The mood lighting, the kids asleep, and I’m lovin’ me. This is how Friday nights are meant to be spent.

Today John, kids and me went to see ‘Bye Bye, Birdie’ at Sparta High School. We had free tickets through Circles, including a free snack and drink, and a tour of the backstage area, which we missed as I could have predicted, due to my uncanny ability to get lost in the state of New Jersey. Funny thing is we were in the right place, got on the freeway, drove three miles, then three miles back and arrived at our starting point. Hard not to laugh at yourself at that point.

I was complaining earlier about my mental state, saying that I don’t want to work at it anymore, I’m tired of trying to get better. It’s hard work, and if you work with a therapist, it gets expensive. I want to just be OK like I am. But that isn’t life, and I’m so grateful for the friendship and wise counsel of the people in my life. I am so lucky to have so many people to run things by. It’s good for me and it helps me to see the lesson that I might otherwise miss.

I’ve got a lot to say, but nothing to say at the same time. Life is hard, but also very easy right now. I feel very calm, but also anxious. I’m happy, but more than a bit melancholy. I can’t put my finger on it. I know what homesick feels like, and this isn’t it. I can’t quite figure it out. I guess it’s the change of jobs, change of seasons, change of consciousness. I feel overwhelmed, but also very capable. I’m just going to try and work with the skills I have, and stay aware of what’s going on. It’s the only way I know how to deal with the strange feelings I’ve been having lately.

I’m in love with my life, I’m fitting myself into things nicely here in New Jersey. It’s good to feel like the move has turned out to be a good one. I will continue to be more and more prosperous here. I am going to start school in the summer. I’m really excited about that. And maybe that is one aspect of the strange feelings I’ve been having lately. Somehow I don’t doubt that they’re attached to that event as much as any other, even though the semester doesn’t start until July.