Evolution

As I grow, or some would say, ‘age’, I begin to see things differently than I did in the past. I prefer to call this growth. I’m not just getting wrinkles and gray hair. I can see how a person might put a negative slant on getting older. If I felt that the only thing that was changing was my body, my eyesight, my reaction time, my metabolism, I might feel slighted by life.

As it is though, I feel every day just a bit more alive. I rest squarely within myself, I don’t feel as though I’m pushed too close to any of my borders. Or boarders. (Heh heh. As a writer, I sometimes cannot resist the opportunity to use homonyms.)

It’s true, though. I used to feel, when I was younger, that I was ‘guilty by association’, or that if someone around me, a friend or a lover, did something good, that I was owed some small amount of the praise. I now see that we are much more intimately joined, and much less connected, at the same time.

In a family, John Bradshaw says we are like a mobile. Lift one piece and the rest of the pieces swing wildly. Please, take a moment and picture it in your mind. Pull one down, the others are elevated. Tell me you don’t see the purpose of each family having a scapegoat, then.

We are not responsible for the behavior of others. “You’re making me crazy,” or “She made me lie to you.” As much as we may wish for a back door out of our mistakes, there isn’t one. When we lose our tempers, it’s not because our kids make us. It’s because we were already at the end of our proverbial ropes, and we didn’t reach out for help, we didn’t choose to slow down with some yoga or a fifteen minute walk.

We choose and choose and choose. If we choose Burger King, Newports and Mountain Dew, Law and Order and Fox News, and texting while driving, we are going to reap what those seeds sown will bring. It’s not rocket science. I’m not spending Saturday mornings with the Dali Lama to get this information. Likewise, it’s not simply age that allows me to learn this stuff. It’s a slow, laborious process, akin to shaping a bonsai tree. I meditate on the basic, fundamental principles brought to us by Christ. I spend time among people, and I don’t try to ‘like’ them all. I strive toward greater consciousness whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Jesus told us a few things that cannot be disputed. Can not be refuted. There are a million fine points in the Bible, and many contradict one another. But Jesus, who Christians identify as our Lord and Savior, only really got emphatic about a few points. He was most interested in social justice. Kindness. How to treat one another, who to love. And by the way, the answer to that last one, treat everyone the same, exclude no one. Not ‘as soon as you use your JUDGEMENT to discern the character of a man (as in hu-man, for future reference) then  you can decide whether or not that person is worthy of your love and compassion. No, no, no Christians. No where did Jesus say judge them, and decide. He simply instructed us to love our fellow man.

This is a huge part of what keeps me centered. If I start to get off track, self-righteously instructing another driver on how to be a better driver, I am reminded that no one died and made me the boss of the road, and even if I am right, it doesn’t excuse my attitude. It’s instrumental in us all getting along, that we learn to let go of the idea that right matters. It doesn’t. It’s a fallacy we were fed somewhere along the way. Power breeds corruption. Isn’t that what power is? Ultimate rightness?? I don’t need to worry about what anyone else should or shouldn’t be doing. Only what I should be doing. And if I run out of things to do that directly pertain to myself, there’s always helping. This brings me to my next point.

When we extend ourselves to others, it sets us squarely in the middle of life. We are interacting with our fellow man. Sometimes we see people more graciously endowed than us. Maybe physically, they have more ability. Maybe financially, they have more money. Maybe they seem surrounded by more loving friends and family than we have. Or maybe they have less. Maybe they struggle just to put food on the table. Or they have less education than we have. Or they’re feeling alone. Either way, every turn presents us with the opportunity to connect their struggle to our own, their choices and their circumstances to our own, their humanity to our own. We are all one. We are all struggling, laughing, eating, working, choosing, loving, hurtling through life like meteorites, our destinations not quite evident yet. We receive the greatest gift we are able to, as humans, by simply interacting with our fellow man. We gain conscious insight into ourselves.

Consciousness baffles many people. It doesn’t require that much energy to be conscious. In truth, it’s almost effortless compared to the energy it takes to be unconscious. There’s a word we all know and love. You may not have a firm grasp of the meaning of living consciously, but don’t we all know what unconsciousness is? Sleep. Not having the awareness of some facet of our lives. Some of us take it to the extreme of drunkenness with regularity. We all know someone, whether casually or intimately, who drinks daily. Who drinks to the point that it’s obviously hindering their ability to be fully human. Why? Do you ever ask yourself why people become heroin addicts? Career alcoholics? Compulsive spenders? Why what seems so easy and obvious to you and I, we couldn’t pound into them with a mallet?

Now, suspend your thought about ‘them’ and how troubled ‘they’ are, and replace them with yourself. It’s all of us. We all have something going on in our lives that we aren’t looking at, aren’t seeing. How do I know? Because things have come into focus over the years. Out of the mists and into my personal space. All up in my grill, if you will permit me the use of the vernacular. So it stands to reason that there are more things out there. I don’t delude myself that at the ripe old age of 34 I’ve got it all sewn up. That means that the things that I didn’t have awareness of before, but do now, are just some of the things I participate in without consciousness.

My head is spinning. How about yours?

So here’s my personal application of the subject matter. I meditate and pray whenever I think of it. It’s a small, simple thing. It is saying, ‘Thank you God for this moment.’ Or it is as profound as, well, spending my Saturday afternoon writing this blog. It is, as a dear friend and role model once said, ‘Don’t prescribe, don’t direct.’ Ouch. That one took the wind out of my sails.  And as I close this blog, I check my e-mail. Thank you Zelda McRae for your message entitled. ‘Acknowledging Your Evolution.’ Pretty good, I haven’t even posted it yet, and already I get an acknowledgement!